The following letter was inexplicably found on the second floor of a computer shop in Bangor Maine. The opinions it expresses are not endorsed by Dumbestblogger, and its authenticity could not be verified. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, We wish to heartily congratulate you on the excellent job you have been doing in your…
“Wind up that yo-yo and let’s get out of here!” Mirabelle began to slowly wind the yo-yo. “Not fast enough!” The panic in Geraldine voice was palpable. She grabbed at the yo-yo and stuffed it into her pocket, unheeding of the tangled mess of string she was creating. They ran. Left at Bartholomew’s picket fence,…
Way back in June I was inspired by a piece of found poetry which was curated by Mr. James Proclaims while watching a futbol game. For the edification of myself, and my American readers, I have investigated this strange sport called futbol. It seems to be some sort of combination between table tennis and basketball.…
There has been a lack of noise complaint concerning your residence. If you can be louder, please be louder. Are you using the highest possible volume? If not, use more. Louder, louder, louder, louder. You have not been loud enough. Be louder. Whenever there is a question of whether you should be using more noise,…
Dear Mrs. Henrikshaw, Congratulation on your recent invention. For centuries thousands upon thousands have tried to build a better mousetrap. Your success in building one is a monumental achievement. It is unavoidable that this brilliant achievement will impact your life in many ways. As the old maxim says; the world is about to beat a…
It really wasn’t Winslow’s fault. His hearing wasn’t the best, but his employers didn’t hold it against him. Actually, worker for the Archer family was pretty great. They had a beautiful house, there were always interesting people around and the conversation was often stimulating and thought provoking. Winslow was the butler. He took his job…
4 cups of butter 2 tbsp baking powder 1 cup of butter 1 cup of buttermilk Veronica squinted at the recipe. Her grandmother had been an excellent cook. She was sure she had seen her make biscuits. She scoured her memory for a memory, but couldn’t find it. No matter, it was a simple recipe,…
“Why don’t you come on in and sit down a while?” I ducked my head, and made my way inside the dusty, cavernous room. I brushed a few cobwebs off a waiting chair and and sat down. I half expected my host to say something, but there was only silence. I nervously tapped my fingers…
Milton Miller was a most ingenious and enterprising individual. If he had lived in another time Milton might have become a famous inventor. Unfortunately for him, so much progress had been made by the time he was born in 1643 that inventors were somewhat obsolete. But that wasn’t about to stop young Milton. He tinkered,…
The best way to showcase your moral superiority is to repeat the word science 187 times. Science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science, science,…
Once there was a beautiful queen who loved to sew. Day in, and day out, she would sew. Beautiful garments, lavish costume fit for royalty. Which was excellent, because most of the things that she sewed were, in fact, worn by the king. She wished that she could sew clothing for their children, but, alas,…
Bruce loved living in the country. “It’s far too noisy in the city!” He said. “There are too many people!” He bought a two-hundred acre farm way out in the boonies. It was lovely to be so far out in the country. He could play his music as loudly as he wanted! He bought a…
Emma was ecstatic the day her first book was published. It had been a lifelong dream of hers. She would sit in coffeeshops, just watching people who were totally absorbed by their books, turning page after page and anxious to find out what happened next. One day the people in the coffee shops would be…
A few years ago I had a discussion with an individual who was campaigning for a seat in the Minnesota state senate. Something seemed a little off, so I googled her. Sharon Anderson, (sometimes Scarrella,) has been running in almost every election since the 1970s for a number of different offices. In 1994 she was…
Alexis loved to draw. As a child she would play with her crayons for hours. She loved to sit by the fire with her coloring books and draw pretty pictures. She never stopped drawing. She kept drawing and drawing and drawing. When she grew up she got a job at a little convenience store to…
