Half the world’s a stage. The thing about stages is that they are pretty flimsy. Most of the time they are made out of nothing more than plywood and 2x4s. With a good chainsaw you can cut the stage completely in half. Which is precisely what I did. I revved up my trusty Husqvarna, and…
In January of 1776 Thomasina Pain, a housewife from Pennsylvania, published a treatise that would shake the world to its foundation, and cause individuals all over to question the very foundations upon which society was based. Rather than deal with the outgrowth of societal imbalance, Thomasina chose to go to the very source, and identify…
The Squid was jealous of the octopus’s teeth, so he went to the dentist. “Can you give me teeth like the octopus?” asked the Squid. The dentist stroked her chin. “Maybe.” She said. “But it will cost you $1,300.” The Squid was perplexed. Money is not something which marine animals are intimately aware of. “How…
The first rule in carpentry is that you bring your own hammer. That’s what Carl was told when he got a job on a construction crew. Carl knew nothing about hammers, but he went to the hardware store in search of the perfect hammer. There were big hammers, little hammers, round hammers square hammers, short…
I can see how you would be confused. First I told you that you should get me hamburger, which you got. And I must admit, I was very appreciative of the fact that you got it. But there was a problem, you see. I’m not saying it was your fault, per se, but you didn’t…
There was only half of a spider in the doorway. The other half of the doorway was on the windowsill, or maybe smashed across Wendell’s newspaper. At any rate, it wasn’t in the doorway anymore. Which should have been a relief, except for the large bat that appeared where where the spider had been. Wendell…
On Tuesday Jeremy went out to get the cows. It was a fairly normal thing for Jeremy to do on Tuesdays. In fact, it would be a normal thing for Jeremy to do on Wednesday or Thursday. But this particular day was a Tuesday, and Jeremy was getting the cows. He was about halfway down…
Legally, this would be considered plaguarism. But who cares about laws anyway? I don’t give a damn ’bout the constitutionWas written in the past, so obliterate itYou’re living in the past there’s a new venerationAnd I can do what I want to doAnd that’s what I’m gonna do And I don’t give a damn ’bout…
Cheese Green Card Wild Blue Yonder Mountain Pass Gas Station Master Class President Bush Fire Away Game Player Sports Outfit Ranch Dressing Well Done Steak Photo by Adonyi Gu00e1bor on Pexels.com
I don’t know much, but I know I ain’t coming back. I spent 32 years working at a waste recycling plant on the outskirts of Schar, which is the third largest city on Mars. It was a boring, dreary soul breaking job. I never thought it would get any worse. Boy was I wrong. The…
A little over a year ago now I left my job. I didn’t have any concrete prospects at the time, but I was sure something would come up. Sure enough, after a few frustrating months, I found work doing something similar to what I had been doing before. At the time was working with one…
I took another lick off of my fudgsicle and stared out at the dry prairie grass. I was hoping to see a prairie dog or something, but all I saw was a bunch of grass, swaying in the wind. I looked at it for another minute or so, and then I felt something dripping onto…
Once upon a time, A princess kissed a frog and the frog became a handsome prince. The point being that frogs really aren’t that bad. At least, not so bad that it’s impossible for a hoity-toity princcess to screw up her lips and kiss one. But millions upon millions of frogs? Yeah, that’s not great.…
“There is something about the serenity of a blank page that is absolutely breathtaking.” Thought Megan, as she stared down at her empty sheet of paper. Words just weren’t coming to her this evening. “And even if they did,” she mused, “I could never write anything as lovely as this blank she of paper.” It…
Dear reader, I am currently in a synthetic suspension of consciousness, which began at 11:59 PM on Tuesday, August 31st 2021. I plan on remaining in this state for the entire month of September, please wake me up on October 1st. Anything which I write on this blog over the course of the next month…
