I love investing in real estate! I have so many great investment properties that it’s hard to pick favorites, but here are some good ones. A high class condo on the dark side of the moon; real estate has been moving kind of slow in this market recently, but I’m a firm believer in the…
Every Tuesday the idea store gets a fresh shipment of ideas, and Carlos puts a sign in the front window. “Fresh Ideas, $2 A Dozen!” Reads the sign. All day, customers flood the store, putting fresh ideas into their carts, and buying them up by the dozen. It’s kind of exciting to see people grapple…
Winston Q. McDonald wanted cheese. Cheese is not an abnormal thing to want, but in Winston’s case it was hard to get. He had been born on the plantet Xutportralex in the year 22b671, so obviously dairy products were entirely out of the question due to great cow blight in 21a639. “One way or another…
“I’ve got something stuck in my teeth.” “So?” “Do you have a toothpick or something?” “Maybe.” “Well, could I have a toothpick?” “Would you give it back afterwards?” “You would want me to return a used toothpick?” “Yeah.” “Well, um, sure, yeah. I could give it back.” “Well I don’t have one.” “Excuse me?” “A…
Renee aimed her gun at the hill, and gently squeezed the trigger. She had been preparing for this day for years. She remembered being in grade school, and being asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. “I want to shoot things.” She said. Well, now she was shooting things. Flames engulfed the…
“I’ve been here for five years, and I’ve only done one of these before.” Said the lady at the Post Office counter as she helped me filled out my export declaration form. I can’t say I was surprised. I’d heard basically the same thing from three Wal-Mart employees a couple of days earlier, and two…
I have always believed in dreaming big. So I took a ballon, and I started blowing into it. I blew, and I blew, and kept blowing. The balloon kept growing. It grew until it was the size of a paper sack, it grew until it was the size of a suitcase, it grew until it…
Song For A Broken Cow What Jenny Ate On Tuesday Cats Are For Hats The Bonfire Chronicles How To Eat Reality Finding The Sheepdog Close Encounters With The Small Kind Titles Are Stupid Regaining Pumpernickel The Fly Trap From Hell Five rules for Eating Cheese The Sting Of The Cod Fish Farming Is For Losers…
Sadie licked the peanut butter off of her fingers and gave satisfied grin. “How about Tuesday?” Asked Annie. “Sure.” Said Sadie. “Will there be peanut butter?” “Lot’s of peanut butter.” Said Annie. Saturday arrived, then Sunday, Monday and finally Tuesday. Sadie arrived at 6:03 PM. “Where is the peanut butter?” She asked. “Can you hold…
I didn’t have anything to do, so I just sat there and waited. I looked out that the street. There was a dog sniffing at the stop sign. He lifted up his leg and peed on it. I yawned. The dog looked at me. He yawned. I looked the other way down the street. There…
Renatta was a headache. Well, technically she had a headache. “Life’s not easy for someone with my condition.” Said Renatta. Her headaches were constant, and horrible. She visited specialist after specialist, but no one could figure out why she kept getting headaches. Then, one day, Renatta was walking through her neighbor’s corn field. The pollen…
So there I was, sitting in the grass eating a dang big Enchilada, and this dude walks up to me with a mustache. “Whatcha doing with that mustache, dude?” I yelled at him. He was grabbing it by the handlebar and dragging it around, and I didn’t think he was being nice. He glared at…
There was nothing left. The fires had moved through and destroyed everything. In some ways they were a mercy, those fires. You never regret what is taken from you. You just soldier on, knowing that you had nothing to do with the shit hand that got dealt in your direction and trying to make the…
Who wants fresh fish? Anybody, anybody? What, you in the back? Do you have a fish sticker? What? No fish sticker? How can you expect to buy fish without a fish sticker? We have a no fish sticker, fish buyer here. What should we do? Take him outside, you say? Take him outside! Take him…
Jessie loved to run, especially at night. As the moon shone overhead, the sound of her hooves hitting the hard packed ground echoed through the valley. Running during the day just didn’t hold the same appeal. Try as she might, Jessie just couldn’t enjoy it. Jessie loved the night. She was a night mare. Sometimes,…
