835: Zombie’s Lament
Pistachio nut Has quite a crunch But isn’t quite as fun a munch As the brains I had for lunch
Pistachio nut Has quite a crunch But isn’t quite as fun a munch As the brains I had for lunch
Over the course of the past week I have been participating in a Bard-a-thon, which is an attempt to read the complete works of William Shakespeare publicly over the course of a week. This morning I was in charge of the 4AM slot for Timon of Athens, which has now been accomplished, so don’t say…
John’s brother Richard is dead. John really wants to be King. Richard’s only son is illegitimate, so that’s a non-starter, but some people really like John’s cousin Arthur. John decides to kill Arthur, and send his loyal servant Hubert Hubert Hubert to do the deed. Hubert Hubert Hubert has pity on Arthur, and let’s him…
Charlemagne the Great’s friend Einhard wrote an authorized biography of the emperor, which in no way or manner shows any hint of bias. One thing that sticks out in Einhard’s writing is the terrible luck the Charlemagne had when it came to getting into wars. According to Einhard, Charlemagne fought Seperate wars in Auqatania, against…
Sometime this past summer my eight year old nephew started getting really excited about outlaws. Particularly the outlaws of the wild west. The light in his eyes when he heard the stories of Bonnie & Clyde, Jesse James and Billy the Kid reminded me of when I was his age, running around in the forest,…
Robin Hood; prince of thieves, guardian of Sherwood forest, outlaw, scourge of the sheriff of Nottingham, seriously brain damaged? It’s a question worth asking. The typical day for Robin Hood, if stories are to be believed, was compromised of Robin Hood wandering around Sherwood forest until he happened upon some stranger, whom he would summarily…
The song “Fifty Years from Now” was fairly popular on Christian Radio when I was a kid. Apparently it was inspired by an off-hand comment overheard in a bow and arrow factory where I’ve done some construction work. We all have to be inspired by something. I am inspired by the fact that “year” and…
Roderick was the luckiest of all galley slaves, and it wasn’t because the callouses on his hands had a tensile strength higher than titanium. It wasn’t particularly lucky to spend twenty-one hours every day rowing, nor was it lucky that the ship on which Roderick caught fire, and that he burned to death while tugging…
Fortune favors the brave You’re not brave Just stupid
Franny began her career as a robot with great anticipation. The movies had taught her that world domination was in store. What a letdown that she was stuck making fake twitter posts. Photo by Alex Knight on Pexels.com
“How about a nice cup of tea?” Asked Mrs. Sputnik-Putarski. Of course, if Ben had been more versed in historical alliterations he would have realized that, Sputnik being in her name, Mrs. Sputnik-Putarsky was probably a Russian spy, and that the Sputnik was a reference to the famous Sputnik sattelite which had been launched into…
It all began the day Hargo brought the rock home. “What are you gonna do with that rock?” Asked his wife, Sophia. “Arg.” Said Hargo. “Yeah, but we live in a cave.” Countered Sophia. “Arg.” Said Hargo. Sophia couldn’t argue with that, but from that day on things were different. Hargo spent hours every day…
My brain is full of toxic sludge It could be very dangerous But lest you think I’m just a drudge Or possibly contagious Just be aware of me because My mind is quite outrageous If you should tiptoe far to close and fall into a crevice So take a dip inside the sludge That’s in…
There was once a Zen master who went on a cross country road trip across America. He was just outside of West Union Iowa when his rear passenger side tire blew. “Did you bring a spare?” Asked his annoying wife, Geraldine. The Zen master stared at the flat tire for seven minutes, then turned and…
The other day as I was driving down I-90 in a sub-compact car I was distracted by something stuck in my tooth. I moved my tongue to the affected spot, and began to probe it. Suddenly, I became very aware of how small I was. Stuck in in a tiny car, on a giant highway,…