875: Martin of Tours; Half-Ass of Heaven

One day, a long , long time ago, a man named Martin was riding his horse into town when he saw a beggar by the side of the road. It was a cold day, and Martin noticed that the beggar didn’t have much to wear. Being a resourceful individual Martin pulled out his sword and…

873: Green

Everyone knows that green is the color of spring. But not this spring. This spring everything was white. Everyone knows that green is the color of Rufus T. McGuire. Rufus never saw a problem that couldn’t be fixed by a little green. “What’s with all this white?” Said Rufus T. McGuire. “I don’t like it.”…

871: Watch Me Fall!

Joe Biden is running for President, and the enthusiasm is off the charts. “It’s hard to even gauge this level of enthusiasm.” Said a campaign spokesperson. “The President has always said that he would run if he could sit, and he’s doing it.” And indeed he is. On Tuesday he boldly face the press and…

870: On Reading Sigmund Fraud

Anyone who is concerned about the state of modern psychology should have their concerns multiplied by the fact that Sigmund Freud is still a respected figure in the field. In Freud’s view of the world, civilization is constantly at war with human self-expression. Self-expression leads to happiness, and the ultimate form of human self-expression is,…

869: Smoking Break

if there was one thing Emil couldn’t stand it was smoking. His co-workers thought they could get away with it by taking discrete breaks, but the always came back inside reeking of tobacco. “I’d sure like to show them.” Said Emil to himself, looking at their smug little smiles. But none of his passive-aggressive comments…

868: What Would You do for a Klondike Bar?

I saw a lady tweaking out in the Wal-Mart parking lot earlier today. I’m guessing she was on meth. She was huddled in the cold rain while a package of Klondike bars was melting on her windshield. Dark, but kind of poetic, I think. Ice cream can be nice But other things are nicer like…

867: Marxism Fixed

Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains! Karl Marx While Carl the Llama may arguably stand in history as a more consequential figure than Karl Marx, it is certainly true that Marx has had a certain amount of influence in the 140 years since his death. Many countries have…

866: Early Dog Gets The Worm

“Early dog gets the worm.” Said Jemima Beagle, waking up her litter of puppies for the day. “But I don’t want a worm.” Said Rufus, rubbing his eyes. “Me Neither.” Whined Hannibal. Wilma was on her feet and out the door in a second, chasing after the worm. She chased it across the road, over…