“Let’s talk this out shall we?” “Sure.” “I think that if discussed our differences in the rational light of day we would find that we’re not so different after all.” “Could be.” “So why don’t we sit down with a cup of tea, and explore the rationale behind our seemingly interminable dispute. I think that…
(An earlier version of this story was incorrectly billed as number 486. Although not technically correct, I do promise that your intelligence will drop by at least 100 if you read this story.) It was only a small matter of murder, but that didn’t make a difference to Belinda. No matter how small or large…
Waterwheel, clay pigeon. Know what I mean? Birdcage, elephant, Manhattan. Am I right? Nail polish, computer. You know what that means, right? Ski Resort. We all know what I’m talking about. Hill, Waterfall. Am I being too obvious? Cherry sundae, beer, house, Manchuria, television, pears. I think we all know where I’m going with this.…
You must have been asleep when I rang your doorbell yesterday morning. I can’t say that I blame you, I mean, after all it was quarter of six. Some respectable people are still asleep at quarter of six, or so I am told. Anyway, I rang several times, and then I pounded on the door…
“Next stop, Lincoln!” The voice over the PA system was relatively crisp, considering the overall squalor of the traveling compartment. Lionel grabbed his bag, and headed for the exit. A couple people were already in front of him. The door opened, and they glanced the ground whizzing past thirty-thousand feet below. Lionel clutched his stomach…
“I’m hungry.” Said Millicent. “Find something to eat.” Said Millicent’s Mom. Millicent flew to town and ate several people who were strolling on the sidewalk. There are perks to being a dragon. Photo by Valeria Boltneva on Pexels.com
Cordelia was very good at darts. So good that she had her own dartboard in the basement. When friends came over she would frequently challenge them to a game of darts. Brett should have known this, but he didn’t. “Hey Brett, want to play darts?” Asked Cordelia. Do you think Brett won? Nope. Brett sucked…
It was Wednesday, and Octavia was sitting at the table. This wan’t unusual. Octavia generally sat at the table on Wednesday, but this Wednesday was different. I could have sworn that this table was shorter a couple of seconds ago. Said Octavia. In fact, the table had been shorter a couple seconds before. Nine sixteenths…
Dear Apple Tree, I am sure you remember what happened yesterday. I was sitting quietly under your branches, when all at once and apple let loose from your branches and landed on my head. It really hurt. My dignity was greatly insulted. Now I’m sure that you drop apples on ordinary people all the time,…
Consider the following lines of dialogue. “One day the trees will vanish.” “Why?” “Because.” The answer “because” has effectively stifled the dialogue, because there isn’t a good response which doesn’t repeat something that has already been said “One day the trees will vanish.” “Why?” “Because you will go blind.” Well, shit. No one likes a…
Gentlemen, Ladies, assorted bipedal, tripedal and quadrapedal beings, These last couple of years have proved to be greatly challenging in our quest to survive. As you know all too well, a great interplanetary invader has landed on the surface of our planet, and is swiftly devouring all that we hold dear and sacred. It has…
It all started very slowly, ok? But not in a creepy sort of way. It was just slow, and boring and nothing ever really happened. 500 years later Jill turned towards Ben. “Do you think anything’s going to happen?” She asked. Photo by Vlad Cheuban on Pexels.com
If one is going to be a gangster one must do it properly. Sure, it might sound easy, but the truth is that whacking people, extorting money and all that other gangster business is hard work and can easily lead to chaos if it is undertaken by the wrong hands. Albert Cicciallatti’s hands were most…
How are you so successful? They ask. It’s a question I get all the time. My only answer is that I receive power from my blisteringly effective inner monologue. If you’ve ever taken an acting class you will know exactly what an inner monologue is. If you don’t know what it is, google it. At…
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch!” That’s what my Dad used to say when he thought I wasn’t pulling my weight. What he really meant was that he wanted me to do all the work. What did he take me for? A sucker? Anyway, the thing that really sucks, is that as I…
