728: Want Some Rice?

If the rice ever sucks as bad at the Rice-Mart as it does at Jerry’s Rice Shop then we are screwed. I don’t need to go into all of the petty little details about how horrible the rice is at Jerry’s Rice Shop. There is some hope that The Rice-Mart be a little better than…

708: The Perfect Bun

Some buns are squishy, some are hard, some are uneven, some are perfectly round and some are just perfect. The most perfect of all buns was Marguerite. It was true before she was even place in the oven. As she began to rise in the hot oven her beauty increased. By the time she was…

703: The Car

Faster than a speeding bulletAll the way to MarsCatch me in the middleI’ll be eating cars. Tommy took another bite of his car sandwich, and gazed into the sunset. There was something magical, something fantastic about the sandwich. It was probably the turbo-cooled 369 horsepower v-twin engine with delineated ultra-drive. He took another bite, and…

694: The Song of The Lobster

Long ago, in the day when Dinosaurs roamed the earth and before chivalry and honor were quite dead, there lived a Walrus. The Walrus had no friends, no possessions, and absolutely nothing to say. We do not care about the Walrus. We do however, care about the Lobster. For the Lobster, as you know, had…

673: Quest For A Donut

All I wanted was a donut. I went down to the gas station cause I figured they might have some, but they didn’t have none. So then I went to the grocery store, and they had pickles, but no donuts. So I went to the bakery, and they said they had made a fresh batch…

667: Lean, Mean Grilling Machine

A song for my friend Jack. Lean, Mean Grilling Machine He’s a lean, mean grilling machineEats skinless chicken, brown rice & greensAnd he always fills his plate with at least five beansYeah he likes to hang out at the vitamin shoppeYou know the legend of whom I talkPicks up a guitar and he starts to…

664: Milkshake Footbaths

A couple days ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a brilliant epiphany. I sat up in bed, and reached for my phone. This was one of the best ideas I had ever had. I made a note to myself so that I could come back later, and elaborate on this…