The sun was rising over Burtonsville Missouri, and Elizabeth Chandlerwick was eating breakfast at the local diner. As with most morning, Elizabeth was eating bacon and eggs. The eggs were over medium. “How do you like them eggs?” Asked Chet. Elizabeth ignored him, and turned the page on the Wall Street Journal. Chet owned the…
On July 6th, 1928, a jeweler from Missouri successfully demonstrated a machine which he had been perfecting for several years, one that revolutionize culinary arts all around the world. On that day, Otto Rohwedder sliced bread. With a machine. As groundbreaking and revolutionary as Mr. Rohwedder’s invention would prove to be, it would leave future…
The thing about dreams is that sometimes they get stuck in your throat. Especially if your name is Brian, and your dream is to be a world champion hotdog eater. Brian had already eaten nineteen hotdogs. Most of them slid down easily, the twentieth hotdog got stuck in his throat. He almost choked. He flailed…
“It’s like an apple. You peel one layer back, and there’s another layer underneath it. The more layers you peel off, the more layers you uncover. There’s a never ending complexity to it which is quite beautiful.” “By apple, don’t you mean onion?” “No. When I say apple I mean apple.” “But apples don’t have…
“The answer has always been squash.” Agatha peered down her glasses at a timid and perturbed butler, beckoning him away with a slight wave of her pinky. As he retreated she took a slight sip of wine. The wine tasted good to her, but beyond that she had absolutely no capacity to explain its complex…
“I wouldn’t say I’m happy about it, per se…” “Well what’d ya say?” “I would say that, in the balance of everything, one must look at the positive and negative effects of everything.” “Sort a positive effects we talkin bout?” “Well, I would say that very few male bovines have an opportunity to learn the…
Although the year 1984 failed to bring about an era of universal government oppression, as predicted by the late, great George Orwell, it did bring about the release of the song “Forever Young,” by the somewhat dubiously named German syntho-pop group “Alphaville.” Although the song initially only reached the 65th position on the American billboard…
Sandwiches are a very popular food. They taste good, they’re convenient and easy to eat. If you’re trying to figure out the best method for consuming a sandwich here are some pointers. Place section of sandwich in mouth Bite of a piece Chew piece which you have bitten off Swallow Repeat process until you have…
We need more candles! Esteban’s voice boomed throughout the house, alerting all inhabitants of the desperate need for increased artificial light. Winnifred creased her brow. Why was Esteban shouting about candles right now? It was the middle of the day. No matter, she shuffled off toward the pantry and grabbed an armload of candles, then…
There was one french fry left in the bag. Laura looked at Todd. Todd looked at Laura. “You can have it.” Said Laura. Todd took the french fry. “What’s wrong?” asked Todd. “Nothing.” Said Laura. Todd walked outside and examined the dog house. At least it was well built. Winter was coming. Photo by Polina…
