860: I Dreamed it On Accident

The things we do on purpose Like count from one to three Are things that make us happy And sometimes make us free But wouldn’t it be better Between just you and me If nothing was on purpose, and everything was free? So sit back and imagine ‚Äčthis accidental dream I didn’t try to scheme…

856: Paperclip Mafia

“Paperclip for you! Paperclip for you! Paperclip for you! Paperclip for you! Everyone gets a paperclip! Five dollars for a paperclip!” “Why would I pay five dollars for a paperclip, when you’re giving them away to everyone else?” “It doesn’t matter how much they’re paying, for you it is five dollars!” “Ah, but it does…

819: Letter to An Idiot

Dear Kevin, We would like to thank you for you’re interest in our open position as company manager. Your long years of service to this organization have not gone unnoticed, and your unabashed penchant for self-advancement has give you many of the qualifications which we would generally look for in fulfilling this role. Traditionally our…

798: My Plantation, My Choice

I skinned my cat last night. I have always been told that there are a million different ways to skin a cat, but based on my experience last night I can’t imagine that any of them are easy. She howled with pain on the first incision, and scratched out at me. I had to tie…

798: My Mom Changed The World

On November 9th, 2016 I received a text message from my Mom. It was something of an unusual occurrence, as my Mom didn’t text very often. On November 8th Donald Trump had been elected as the 45th President of The United States. I don’t think my Mom had been enthralled by the concept of voting…

Bible Stories #23: Asking For A Bramble

Gideon is mostly famous for putting out fleeces in the dew and watching his soldiers drink water, but after he died there was a bit of a power vacuum in the land of Israel. Gideon’s son Abimelech decided to step into the void, and convinced a bunch of his relatives that he was the man…

784: No More Troll Farms

Over the last few years Troll Farms of all shapes and sizes have been popping up around the globe. Although startling reports have emerged about the condition of these farms, little has been done to contain the environmental damage caused by these monstrous aberrations of nature. The noxious fumes and vapors which emanate from these…

777: Look At My Phone

Got moldy dishes in the sink This world is teetering on the brink Man I sure am in a fink And all these politicians stink Think I’ll look at my phone and drink Think I’ll look at my phone and drink Rum, tick-tok and daiquiris Twitter, scotch and instagram Gosh who even needs a fam?…