482: Don’t Bump My Sleeve

“Please don’t bump my sleeve.” “I’m sorry?” “I said please don’t bump my sleeve.” “Oh, ok. Yeah, I’ll try not to bump you. Sorry.” “I want you to do a little more than try.” “Oh, um, yeah. Sure.” “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this situation.” “Um, ok?” “I have a condition, which…

476: You’re My Pig

Stanford and Ilene were in love. It had been like this for some time. Love is a funny thing. If you ask a hundred people what it means you will probably get a hundred different answers. For Stanford and Ilene love meant rolling around in the mud, day after day. Stanford and Ilene were pigs.…

364: The Last French Fry

There was one french fry left in the bag. Laura looked at Todd. Todd looked at Laura. “You can have it.” Said Laura. Todd took the french fry. “What’s wrong?” asked Todd. “Nothing.” Said Laura. Todd walked outside and examined the dog house. At least it was well built. Winter was coming. Photo by Polina…

363: Date Night

Norma’s friends called her a hopeless romantic, and it wasn’t far from the truth. Every couple weeks Norma would regale them with tales of a new heart throb on whom she had set her heart. “I really think he’s the one!” Norma would tell them time after time. Time after time Norma walked away with…

346: What To Call A Spade

Henrietta Josephine Turner could not call a spade a spade. No, not in the metaphorical sense. She literally could not call a spade a spade. It was because of her lisp. “What thould I call call thith thpade?” Asked Henrietta. It was Christmas. Her husband had given her a beautiful spade, and she was overjoyed.…

276: Dear Diary

Dear Diary, Last night I dreamed about my motorcycle. It was green and had two wheels. Maybe you already know that motorcycles have two wheels. Maybe you are insulted by my clarifying the fact that the motorcycle had two wheels. If this is the case, I most sincerely apologize. The truth is that I don’t…

217: In Love

Sally was in love. She’d never felt anything like this before. When she woke up in the morning her first thought of was her love, and the thought continued for the rest of the day. When her friends asked if they could meet her lover Sally shyly declined. Even when asked for a picture Sally…

172: The Date

I was hugely honored today to win the weekly terrible poetry contest which Chelsea hosts on her blog. If you want to read my award winning poem and the numerous other worthy entries you will have to give her blog a visit. I don’t believe it is something you will regret. Winning this award is…

114: Romeo, 1964

“If she’s joining a nunnery, she’s probably a lesbian.” If Ben’s words had a harsh ring to them it was because he was, quite frankly, fed up. Marc thought Ben was on the right track. Hearing their friend moan for weeks about “fair Rosaline” was getting a little old. It was quite clear that nothing…

113: Bless Your Heart

Billions of people around the world bow their heads before eating to bless the food they are about to consume. People from all cultures and religions appreciate the power of the blessing; the honor that some higher being bestows on our paltry, frail and human efforts and materials. One such higher being to offer his…