Renatta was a headache. Well, technically she had a headache. “Life’s not easy for someone with my condition.” Said Renatta. Her headaches were constant, and horrible. She visited specialist after specialist, but no one could figure out why she kept getting headaches. Then, one day, Renatta was walking through her neighbor’s corn field. The pollen…
Some time ago I wrote about a conversation I had with my neighbor, Joe Caveman. When people hear that my neighbor is a Caveman they often conjure up in their minds harmful stereotypes concerning the kind of person that Joe must be. The more I have come to know him, the more I am able…
One year ago today I announced to great acclaim the creation of the dumbest book ever challenge. And then I decided to paint my garage. Wait, let me back up a bit. Back in 2015 I saw a theatre performance loosely based on James Joyce’s Ulysses. It was a delightful, absurd little piece of theatre,…
This is a poem that my dog wrote. edxc Photo by Dumbestblogger
I have a phone, you have a phone, she’s got a phone, we’ve all got phones and they’re all Androids. Together, Apple and Google phones account for 99% of the smartphone market in the U.S. I had a flip phone for several years. I loved it, and there’s certainly a part of me that wants…
“Please don’t bump my sleeve.” “I’m sorry?” “I said please don’t bump my sleeve.” “Oh, ok. Yeah, I’ll try not to bump you. Sorry.” “I want you to do a little more than try.” “Oh, um, yeah. Sure.” “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this situation.” “Um, ok?” “I have a condition, which…
I listened to a song on the radio today. Well, actually it was more like half a song. Every other word or so had been removed. I assume that the absent words had been deemed inappropriate for broadcast media. I came to the realization that this song must have achieved popularity on the internet, where…
Marie was so scatterbrained! She couldn’t focus on anything for more than a couple seconds. By the time she was finished looking at the petunias, she would forget that she had to look at the roses too. One day she was taking a bath and, this is embarrassing, she forgot to scrub under her fingernails.…
To give credit where credit is due, I plagiarized the title of this piece from a recent “USA Today” article. I was instantly impressed by the title’s simultaneous denial and reinforcement of Orwellian thought patterns. After all, what could be more classically Orwellian than having a major cultural institution unilaterally proclaim that society at large…
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never had a very good sense of direction. North, south, left, east right, there’s just too many to keep track of. Maybe if there were only one or two it would be easier, but there aren’t. So I just have my phone tell me where to go, and it…
