854: Welcome to Government Time

The ignorant masses of antiquity lived at the mercy of the sun and the moon. For them, time was an organic fact of life which grew out of the surrounding world. These backwards and ignorant savages could hardly comprehend the sophistication with which we view time in our modern day. For an organic time left…

842: Love On the Brain

Love was the only thing on Warner’s brain as he made his way to his girlfriend’s house for Valentine’s day dinner. Unfortunately he was so absorbed in his romantic fancies that he failed to see the large bull charging towards him. It took him about two and a half minutes to bleed out. When Carla…

837: Not For Sale

My neighbor had a truck parked out by the road. I drove past it for days, and I noticed that it never moved. “Hey neighbor, why hasn’t your truck moved lately?” I yelled over the fence one day. “Didn’t you see the sign in the window?” I looked. There was a sign in the window.…

832: Charlemagne Was a Nice Guy

Charlemagne the Great’s friend Einhard wrote an authorized biography of the emperor, which in no way or manner shows any hint of bias. One thing that sticks out in Einhard’s writing is the terrible luck the Charlemagne had when it came to getting into wars. According to Einhard, Charlemagne fought Seperate wars in Auqatania, against…

831: Robin Hood and The Magna Carta

Sometime this past summer my eight year old nephew started getting really excited about outlaws. Particularly the outlaws of the wild west. The light in his eyes when he heard the stories of Bonnie & Clyde, Jesse James and Billy the Kid reminded me of when I was his age, running around in the forest,…

825: A Nice Cup of Tea

“How about a nice cup of tea?” Asked Mrs. Sputnik-Putarski. Of course, if Ben had been more versed in historical alliterations he would have realized that, Sputnik being in her name, Mrs. Sputnik-Putarsky was probably a Russian spy, and that the Sputnik was a reference to the famous Sputnik sattelite which had been launched into…

824: The Rock

It all began the day Hargo brought the rock home. “What are you gonna do with that rock?” Asked his wife, Sophia. “Arg.” Said Hargo. “Yeah, but we live in a cave.” Countered Sophia. “Arg.” Said Hargo. Sophia couldn’t argue with that, but from that day on things were different. Hargo spent hours every day…