540: Slow Burn

There’s a fire out on route 68. No one’s too worried about it. It’s only burned a couple hundred acres so far. If you go out there you’ll be able to see it, but it probably won’t be moving very fast. It goes slow. Very slow. One inch at a time, and barely even that.…

518: The Bottom Of The Well

They say that you can see stars from the bottom of a well. Even during the day. I had always wondered if that was true. Then I got thrown into a well. I bonked my head on the way down, I think there was some sort of casing on the well or something, it felt…

506: Jacqueline’s Kite

Jacqueline wanted to fly her kite. Most of the time this wouldn’t have been a problem. After all, kites are made to fly. Most kites. But not Jacqueline’s kite. Jacquline’s kite was made out of pig iron. Although pig iron can be very aerodynamic, it’s also heavy. It can be difficult for heavy materials to…

493: Waiting

“You will find them out back, gathering firewood.” I went out back. Nobody was there. I looked behind a tree. There was a root. I looked behind a boulder. There was a rock. I sat down on the rock, and waited. As I waited, the sun set. It was very beautiful. I spent a long…

492: Sorry About Your Geraniums

Dear Neighbor, Sorry about your geraniums. It’s one of the side effects of having a private jet. Sometimes the jet gets a little carried away, and crushes some geraniums. Of course, I would never take any responsibility for such an incident myself. It’s either the jet’s fault, or the jet driver’s fault. (I know there’s…

457: Happy Trails

Arabella had the whole room at her fingertips, as only the most expert of storytellers can. “I was only 22 years old,” she proclaimed loudly, “and I was deep in the middle of the mountains.” “Which mountains?” asked Emma Jane. “Deep in the middle of the mountains.” Repeated Arabella, casting a withered look in Emma…

436: Tracks In The Snow

There was one set of snowshoe track in the newly fallen snow. Just one. The snow was still falling. At the crest of the hill the tracks turned slightly, as if someone had looked back. They straightened, and continued moving forward. The snow kept falling. Soon the tracks were covered completely. No one would even…

420: The Ground Don’t Say Nothin’

So I says to the ground, “what are you doing today, ground.” But does the ground answer me? No. It does not. It just keeps being the ground, and doesn’t give two figs whether I talked to it or not. Well, actually if anything did give two figs it were the ground, cause all the…

419: Waking Up In Strange Places

Renatta woke up with a strange feeling. Everything was warm and buttery. She stretched. This did not feel like her bed. It was softer, and there wasn’t very much support. She sunk deeper into whatever she was laying on. It really did feel buttery. She tried to remember what had happened the night before. Had…

385: Interview With A Progressive Chicken Farmer

The editorial board for “Local Area Metro Express” got a chance to catch up with local chicken farmer Buford Wilson recently. We had an excellent opportunity to discuss Buford’s ground breaking work in the area of advanced chicken genetics. We hope you find this interview as revealing and enlightening as we did. LAME: Good evening,…