I don’t know much, but I know I ain’t coming back. I spent 32 years working at a waste recycling plant on the outskirts of Schar, which is the third largest city on Mars. It was a boring, dreary soul breaking job. I never thought it would get any worse. Boy was I wrong. The…
On the fifth day Alfonso visited Portland Oregon, and talked to a college student their who was enamored by the ways of communism. At first Alfonso assumed that she was merely taken in by Che Guevara’s epic hair, but as he talked with the young woman more it became clear the she actually was a…
On the fourth day the Purpugnugian visited a holler in eastern Tennessee, and became friendly with some of the local mountain folk. “We should go swimming down at the swimming hole.” Said one of the mountain people, named Chet. Being a curious sort, the Purpugnugian readily agreed. On the ride to the swimming hole the…
On the third day Alfonso ran across a piccolo player who was trying to make her way in life as a traveling musician. Purpugnugians are totally unfamiliar with musical instruments, so Alfonso was extremely curious concerning the workings of the piccolo. “How do you play it? Asked Alfonso. “You just blow into it, and cover…
On his second day on Earth the Purpugnugian spy saw a man carrying a heavy load on his back. “Why are you carrying that heavy load on your back?” Asked the Purpugnugian. “Because I am a serf.” Replied the man. “It is my job to carry this heavy load for the lord whom I serve.”…
Sean was about midway through the kuiper belt when he realized that his spaceship was stuck on sub-hyper drive. He slammed down his donut, and started fiddling with the controls. Nothing happened. “Well this just blows!” Said Sean, and he slammed his fist into the dash. The spaceship jolted a little bit, but that was…
This post is dedicated to the vice-president of the United States of America, who has never been to Europe. I’ve Never Been To Europe (Hahaha) I’ve never been to Europe, hahaha I’ve never been to Europe, hahaha I’ve never been to Europe, hahaha I’ve never been to Europe, hahaha I’ve never been to Europe, hahaha…
Sylvan backed onto the the street, and automatically reached for the garage door opener clipped to his sun visor. He didn’t think anything of it, he’d done it a thousand times before. His thumb was an inch away from the button when it happened. “The portal will soon be closing.” Sylvan slammed on the brakes,…
“Next stop, Lincoln!” The voice over the PA system was relatively crisp, considering the overall squalor of the traveling compartment. Lionel grabbed his bag, and headed for the exit. A couple people were already in front of him. The door opened, and they glanced the ground whizzing past thirty-thousand feet below. Lionel clutched his stomach…
There’s a fire out on route 68. No one’s too worried about it. It’s only burned a couple hundred acres so far. If you go out there you’ll be able to see it, but it probably won’t be moving very fast. It goes slow. Very slow. One inch at a time, and barely even that.…
