859:Last Moments of Freedom

The car skidded to a stop by the curb, and out jumped two hooded men. From the third floor apartment Gerald pulled back the window and peered anxiously down. They were on to him. He might as well give himself up now, or things would be even more difficult. He looked up at the blue…

857: Aim for Stars

Aim for the stars. They said. And it sounded like a good idea. I took my lever action 30-30 Winchester out into the backyard, pointed it up at the sky and squeezed the trigger. I knew it would take a long time for my bullet to hit the stars, so I went inside and had…

854: Welcome to Government Time

The ignorant masses of antiquity lived at the mercy of the sun and the moon. For them, time was an organic fact of life which grew out of the surrounding world. These backwards and ignorant savages could hardly comprehend the sophistication with which we view time in our modern day. For an organic time left…

847: I killed Safety

Whenever I back up in my car the little screen on the dash says “check surroundings for safety.” I always used to look around and see if I could see safety anywhere, but I never did. Today, as I was backing up, I heard a big crunch. I jumped out of the car, and ran…

846: Money, Money, Money

I ain’t got time, but I got money So much so that it ain’t funny Mmmmmmmmmm Money, money money It’s nice to have money, I’ve always had this huge fear of getting hit by a bus, so because I had so much money I bought all of the buses and sent them to the junkyard.…

845: Don’t Crush My ‘Shrooms

Gerald was walking through the forest minding his own business when a knight on a white horse reared up in his path. Technically the horse reared. The knight didn’t rear up at all. In fact, the knight had no idea how to handle a rearing horse, and landed flat on his katush. “You ok?” Asked…

836: Revenge of The Bovines

Cow is dead. Cow remains dead. We have killed cow. How shall we comfort ourselves? -Neitzsche (paraphrased) Vilhelm was looking for a little fun on his trip to America, but he wasn’t sure where to turn. He had already tried burning man, armed robbery and fentanyl, and wasn’t sure where to turn next. That’s when…