836: Revenge of The Bovines

Cow is dead. Cow remains dead. We have killed cow. How shall we comfort ourselves? -Neitzsche (paraphrased) Vilhelm was looking for a little fun on his trip to America, but he wasn’t sure where to turn. He had already tried burning man, armed robbery and fentanyl, and wasn’t sure where to turn next. That’s when…

793: When God Opens A Door

Phillip & Carnegie were the best bank robbing duo since Bonnie & Clyde. That’s not to say that they were entirely comparable to that famous couple. While Bonnie & Clyde set time aside from their life of crime to focus on romance and glamour, Phillip & Carnegie were focused strictly on business and never let…

Bible Stories #26: Great Hair

Absalom had great hair. When I say great hair, I mean really, incredibly great hair. The kind of hair that would induce uncontrollable drooling in an 80s hair band. Once a year Absalom would cut his hair, and whenever he cut it he would weigh the hair that was cut off, just for bragging rights.…

Bible Stories #24: Hands Off

So the Israelites were fighting the Philistines, and things weren’t going so great. Hophni and Phinehas had a great idea. “Why don’t we send the ark of the covenant into battle? And so they did. It didn’t help matters. The Philistine’s killed thirty thousand Israelite soldiers, including the bright boys Hophni and Phinehas who had…

Bible Stories #22: The Other Side Of The River

Ostensibly the Jewish people in biblical times were divided into twelve tribes, each tribe composed of the descendents of one of Jacob’s twelve sons. The hitch in this is that Joseph’s two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim, each sort of got their own tribe. So in reality it seems that there were more like thirteen tribes,…

Bible Stories #20: The Man With The Loose Shoe

The literal meaning of Deuteronomy is “second law.” Of course, the book didn’t carry this name until around the 14th century A.D. My understanding is that the original Hebrew name can roughly be translated as “here are some words.” Maybe the translators of the Bible thought that Deuteronomy sounded cooler. The idea behind calling it…

Bible Stories #14: Food for Earth

Well a bunch of priests came to Moses and Aaron and said “Hey bros, you’re working too hard.” All the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the Lord? Numbers 16:3 So spread the wealth around a little bit.…