Ok, kids. Set your time machine to 1994. The Internet is in its infancy, the Soviet Union has fallen, Curt Cobain is blowing his brains out in Seattle, the cool kids are hanging out in malls and rocking mullets and Newt Gingrich is standing on the steps of the U.S. Capitol, delivering the “Contract With…
Imagine a strip club on the edge of town. Some towns find the presence of a strip club within their boundaries to be objectionable, and I can certainly understand why. There’s something unsavory about a business modeled on forcing women to take their clothes off in front of an audience. Citizens who don’t want a…
When I was a kid, football was life. Every boys I knew had two hero’s; Brett Favre and Reggie White. Favre was the most sensational quarterback on the planet. White ate quarterbacks for lunch. Ironically enough, Reggie White was black. Watching the lengthy woke sermons which were intertwined with this year’s Super Bowl, you might…
Ladies and Gentleman, For the past four years helpless bystanders have watched in horror as America has abdicated its proper place on the world stage. While the interests of major multi-national corporations have languished, a new approach has taken hold which claims to promote the needs and interests of the American people. I need not…
To give credit where credit is due, I plagiarized the title of this piece from a recent “USA Today” article. I was instantly impressed by the title’s simultaneous denial and reinforcement of Orwellian thought patterns. After all, what could be more classically Orwellian than having a major cultural institution unilaterally proclaim that society at large…
I used to work with a fellow named Bruce. Bruce was a 350 pound machinist. A creative, if undisciplined, genius who sweated grease out of his pores and had a fantastically brutal temper which would come out in full display if his name brand vice-grips were misplaced. Bruce was wise to the ways of the…
The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to individuals or events, real or imagined, is entirely coincidental and a fabrication of the readers imagination. An Interview With Prince Karls It was a huge honor to be able to sit down with the illustrious Prince Karls, Crown prince of United Koronatio, for a revealing…
On November 29th, 1963, Earl Warren, Chief Justice of The Supreme Court of The United States, was given a task: gather evidence on the assassination of John F. Kennedy and present your findings to the American people. The Warren commission concluded that Lee Harvey Oswald fired three shots from the sixth floor window of the…
The following letter was inexplicably found on the second floor of a computer shop in Bangor Maine. The opinions it expresses are not endorsed by Dumbestblogger, and its authenticity could not be verified. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, We wish to heartily congratulate you on the excellent job you have been doing in your…
A few years ago I had a discussion with an individual who was campaigning for a seat in the Minnesota state senate. Something seemed a little off, so I googled her. Sharon Anderson, (sometimes Scarrella,) has been running in almost every election since the 1970s for a number of different offices. In 1994 she was…
