514: Critical Condition

On Tuesday, October 22nd Stephanie B. Hinkler, an individual who self identifies as a white female, was propelling herself via an object which has been identified as a bicycle, but which cannot be confirmed to be a bicycle because it has made no statement on the matter of it’s own self identification. At a certain…

451: You May Be Using The Term “Orwellian” Wrong. Here’s What George Orwell Was Actually Talking About

To give credit where credit is due, I plagiarized the title of this piece from a recent “USA Today” article. I was instantly impressed by the title’s simultaneous denial and reinforcement of Orwellian thought patterns. After all, what could be more classically Orwellian than having a major cultural institution unilaterally proclaim that society at large…

441: A Well Aimed Kick

I used to work with a fellow named Bruce. Bruce was a 350 pound machinist. A creative, if undisciplined, genius who sweated grease out of his pores and had a fantastically brutal temper which would come out in full display if his name brand vice-grips were misplaced. Bruce was wise to the ways of the…

440: So Talented

Jane was very talented, but she had a terrible job. Her job was to sweep the floor. She hated sweeping the floor. “Why did I get stuck with such a boring, lame job?” Asked Jane. She deserved something better, but people were stupid and wouldn’t let her do interesting things. Maybe she should just quit,…