415: The Strikeout

“Strike one!” Most baseball players are used to getting strikes, but not Miltemore Broden. Miltemore had never gotten a single strike. Not in his entire 23 year career. It didn’t take long for the pitchers to catch on, and Miltemore was walked constantly. Every couple of years some cocky pitcher would try throwing him a…

359: Big Game

Way back in June I was inspired by a piece of found poetry which was curated by Mr. James Proclaims while watching a futbol game. For the edification of myself, and my American readers, I have investigated this strange sport called futbol. It seems to be some sort of combination between table tennis and basketball.…

248: How to Comb a Beach

Beach combing has fallen off in popularity as a leisure pass time over the past several years. This is deeply saddening. Since beaches do no have arms, legs or hands (let alone combs) it is next to impossible for them to comb themselves. This distinct handicap means that their only chance of getting combed is…

162: A Year For Winning

The jury is out on the 2020 Major League Baseball season. No one is quite sure if it will happen, and if it does happen the number of games is totally up in the air. The possibility of eliminating audiences has been batted around. On one level this is deeply saddening. Baseball is a very…

140: Tom Brady, Achilles and the Women of Troy

  We’re going to survive-our songs, our stories. They’ll never be able to forget us. Decades after the last man who fought at Troy is dead, their sons will remember the songs their Trojan mothers sang to them. We’ll be in their dreams-and their worst nightmares too. -Pat Barker “The Silence of the Girls” Shoutout…

131: How To Fit A Cap

Adjustable baseball caps are no longer cool. I’m not sure if they were ever cool, but if this is a longstanding fact of life it has only recently come to my attention. The cool kids now wear fixed size baseball caps. Or beanies. But we don’t talk about the kids who wear beanies. In many…

105: Slow Children At Play

Nobody is good at everything, but it sucks when people make a big deal of pointing out the the things we’re bad at. When I saw this sign today it made me stop and think. Why do we have signs on the street advertising how slow the children are? My gosh, they’re already embarrassed enough…

101: Oscars Crashing

Here’s the thing about the Oscars. They’re stupid. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean that. The Oscars are a celebration for an elite group of entertainers which enable them to publicly congratulate themselves while simultaneously sneering at the Trump voting bozos in rural America. As someone who doesn’t belong to the group it can…

93: Superbowl LIV Highlights

Here are my thoughts on the highs and lows of Superbowl LIV. Highs 1) Troy Aikman said “Jimmy Garrapolo,” and I jinxed him. 2) Oprah is in. 3) Demi Lavato totally killed the National Anthem. 4) Tom Brady ain’t going anywhere. 5) The new Bond trailer. The world needs more James Bond. 6) Verizon’s firefighters…