744: Geometric Angling

The signs are obvious. A car pulled over to the side of the road, windows cracked. A pleasant stream gurgling nearby. Look closer and you will be sure to spot an angler, passing a pleasant summer day at his favorite fishing hole. While many people mistakenly view this pass time as an art, the fact…

693: Father William

Lewis Carroll’s classic 1865 novel “Alice’s Adventure’s in Wonderland” contains a poem about a man named Father William. Except for the brief mention of Father William Carroll’s poem has absolutely nothing to do with the following piece.  You are old Father William Your face is crust And your nostrils as hairy as fleas And whenever…

657: The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Umpire

In the summer of 1953 visitors to Boston’s famous Fenway park found themselves privy to a strange and intriguing spectacle. A strange man in a flowing robe and ancient sandals stood behind home plate, making the important decision which govern the game of baseball. This man was none other than the famous Marcus Aurelius of…

631: The Fastest Thing On Two Wheels

The fastest thing on two wheels is a bicycle ridden by Dina Lorraine Kettlebury of 251 W. Hickory St. Burlington Ohio. The second fastest thing is Jimmy’s motorbike. One would hardly suspect that Dina’s bicycle would be the fastest thing on two wheels, but much credit in this department must go to Dina herself. Indeed,…

625: The Big Hit

Marco gripped the bat tightly, sweat beaded up on his brow as he stared out at the pitchers mound. The pitch. Marco squinted at the ball, and swung. It was a big swing. The bat connected, and the ball flew out of the park. The cover tore off the ball, and it began to burn.…

581: Every Single Dart

Cordelia was very good at darts. So good that she had her own dartboard in the basement. When friends came over she would frequently challenge them to a game of darts. Brett should have known this, but he didn’t. “Hey Brett, want to play darts?” Asked Cordelia. Do you think Brett won? Nope. Brett sucked…

566: A Splendid Carp

Gentlemen, this is a football. Vince Lombardi Gentlemen, I want to impress up you the fact that this is a football. The fact that this is a football is probably one of the most important elements of reality that you will ever deal with. Should you forget it, untold doom will come upon you. Remember…

555: The Athlete

It was on the day that Cal Brockway hit his 63rd home run that his world changed forever. Cal was the finest athlete Central High had ever seen. Not only was he an an excellent baseball player, but he lettered in football, track and field, swimming, basketball, rugby, soccer and LaCrosse. But on the day…

472: A Boy Named Her

When I was a kid, football was life. Every boys I knew had two hero’s; Brett Favre and Reggie White. Favre was the most sensational quarterback on the planet. White ate quarterbacks for lunch. Ironically enough, Reggie White was black. Watching the lengthy woke sermons which were intertwined with this year’s Super Bowl, you might…

432: The Hotdog Eater

The thing about dreams is that sometimes they get stuck in your throat. Especially if your name is Brian, and your dream is to be a world champion hotdog eater. Brian had already eaten nineteen hotdogs. Most of them slid down easily, the twentieth hotdog got stuck in his throat. He almost choked. He flailed…