Marco gripped the bat tightly, sweat beaded up on his brow as he stared out at the pitchers mound. The pitch. Marco squinted at the ball, and swung. It was a big swing. The bat connected, and the ball flew out of the park. The cover tore off the ball, and it began to burn.…
So Joseph brought all of his family down to Egypt, but his dad was really old and died pretty soon after he got there. So his kids got him embalmed, and then carried his body back up to their old stomping grounds, then headed back to Egypt to spend a couple hundred years in slavery.…
Most bulls don’t spend much time worrying about their name, but most bulls are not named Princess. “I hate my name!” Moaned Princess. No one cared. Princess felt ignored. “I hate feeling ignored!” Moaned Princess. “Cry me a river.” Said the other bulls. Princess did cry, but not quite enough to start a river of…
Abraham was getting old, really old. But deep inside he was still one of the cool kids. His kid Isaac wasn’t married, and that kind of bugged the old bugger, so he called one of his employees over. “Hey bro,” he said, “slap my butt and find Isaac a wife.” The man did what any…
Like all great men, Victor Bornoff started with a simple questions. “What could be better than chocolate?” It was a good question, but in 2134 it was also surprisingly irrellavent. Sometime in the last hundred years Cocoa trees had gone extinct. There had been some attempt at creating a synthetic chocolate recipe, but those efforts…
If one is going to be a gangster one must do it properly. Sure, it might sound easy, but the truth is that whacking people, extorting money and all that other gangster business is hard work and can easily lead to chaos if it is undertaken by the wrong hands. Albert Cicciallatti’s hands were most…
Jessamine Butterfield was almost to town when the wheel on her wagon started to go wobbly. She wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but it was pretty scary. When she stopped to get taters at the general store Mr. Dodge was sitting on the porch. “Mighty wobbly wheel you’ve got on that wagon.” Said Dodge,…
In the spring of 1967, a team of archeologist in Syria uncovered an ancient document which, when translated, purportedly predicted the end of the human race. At the time, researchers dismissed it as being yet another apocalyptic writing. But the intervening years have proven some of the predictions made in this document to be very…
Some time ago I wrote about a conversation I had with my neighbor, Joe Caveman. When people hear that my neighbor is a Caveman they often conjure up in their minds harmful stereotypes concerning the kind of person that Joe must be. The more I have come to know him, the more I am able…
Ok, kids. Set your time machine to 1994. The Internet is in its infancy, the Soviet Union has fallen, Curt Cobain is blowing his brains out in Seattle, the cool kids are hanging out in malls and rocking mullets and Newt Gingrich is standing on the steps of the U.S. Capitol, delivering the “Contract With…
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