822: The Zen Master’s Spare Tire

There was once a Zen master who went on a cross country road trip across America. He was just outside of West Union Iowa when his rear passenger side tire blew. “Did you bring a spare?” Asked his annoying wife, Geraldine. The Zen master stared at the flat tire for seven minutes, then turned and…

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797: If I Only Had A Brain

If I only had a brain I wouldn’t use it ever I wouldn’t even try To be a little clever I’d put it on the internet And sell it for some change But since I’ve never had a brain This song is kind of strange I’ll have to find another way To pay for all…

794: Find Me A Quill

“Can you find me a quill?” “What sort of quill.” “Just a normal quill. Nothing special.” “Where would I find that?” “I don’t know.” “Then how do you expect me to find it.” “By looking.” “But how will I know where to look if you won’t tell me?” “If I told you where to look…

788: The Con Man

I’m just a con man, doing his job Conning the people, and keeping them robbed No one’s got money, and everyone’s broke I am the one who can see through the smoke When they all suffer it’s all just a joke I silently laugh as I fill up my poke And wait for the day…

763: Hard Work Changes The World

Your Questions Answered; Day 3 Do the Amish in Wisconsin have a cultural influence on the life of the State or are they simply there and minding their own business? –Bruce The problem with this question is that it presumes an either/or paradigm which is not necessarily accurate. Members of the Amish community are not likely…

731: Lubricate Your Mind

We must lubricate the engines of our minds. It is the only way for us to progress forward in life. The road to success does not lie in the tattered use of force which characterizes our belief system, but in constantly applying our mental faculties to new pursuits which increase our neural plasticity. A mind…

727: I Hate The Sky!

Insanitybytes inadvertently challenged me to write a poem of pure vitriol. Naturally, I couldn’t pass it up.  I Hate The Sky!  I hate the sky! I hate the trees! I hate the world because I see The world it sure enough hates me! And so I smolder, burn and scream At the ones who dare…

699: The Dark Side Of The Broom

There are two sides to every broom, but as far as the inhabitants of Spitzberg-Upon-Flower were concerned there was only one broom. The broom. When the children of Spitzberg-Upon-Flower were tucked in at night they would gaze out of their windows at the bright side of the broom. But secretly, in their heart of hearts,…

664: Milkshake Footbaths

A couple days ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a brilliant epiphany. I sat up in bed, and reached for my phone. This was one of the best ideas I had ever had. I made a note to myself so that I could come back later, and elaborate on this…