875: Martin of Tours; Half-Ass of Heaven

One day, a long , long time ago, a man named Martin was riding his horse into town when he saw a beggar by the side of the road. It was a cold day, and Martin noticed that the beggar didn’t have much to wear. Being a resourceful individual Martin pulled out his sword and…

862: Chicken Soup

There was once a man named Simon Peter who was woken up by a rooster crowing in the middle of the night. Peter was in the middle of doing something very bad, and looking back on it I’m sure he was thankful for the noisy rooster. It is doubtful that many of the neighbors felt…

815: Light

This past summer my brother mentioned to me that an old friend of ours, who was back in town after serving in the armed forces, wanted to play chess. I was excited to catch up with him, and hear about his life. A couple weeks later, before we had a chance to meet up, I…

Bible Stories #25: He That Pisseth Against the Wall

Today we return to what has become a popular, and regularly covered subject on this blog: the topic of urination in the Biblical narrative. Depending on which sources you choose to believe, the idiom “covering his feet” which is used multiple times in the King James Bible either refers to urination or defecation. My general…

Bible Stories #24: The Priests of Nob

David was fleeing from Saul, and came to a place called Nob. There was priest named Ahimelech there, and David went to meet him. “What you doing, bro?” Asked Ahimelech. “The King sent me on a special mission.” Said David. “Sure, I buy that.” Said Ahimelech. “Do you have any food?” Asked David. “We only…

Bible Stories #24: Hands Off

So the Israelites were fighting the Philistines, and things weren’t going so great. Hophni and Phinehas had a great idea. “Why don’t we send the ark of the covenant into battle? And so they did. It didn’t help matters. The Philistine’s killed thirty thousand Israelite soldiers, including the bright boys Hophni and Phinehas who had…

Bible Stories #23: Asking For A Bramble

Gideon is mostly famous for putting out fleeces in the dew and watching his soldiers drink water, but after he died there was a bit of a power vacuum in the land of Israel. Gideon’s son Abimelech decided to step into the void, and convinced a bunch of his relatives that he was the man…

Bible Stories #22: The Other Side Of The River

Ostensibly the Jewish people in biblical times were divided into twelve tribes, each tribe composed of the descendents of one of Jacob’s twelve sons. The hitch in this is that Joseph’s two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim, each sort of got their own tribe. So in reality it seems that there were more like thirteen tribes,…