Bible Stories #24: The Priests of Nob

David was fleeing from Saul, and came to a place called Nob. There was priest named Ahimelech there, and David went to meet him. “What you doing, bro?” Asked Ahimelech. “The King sent me on a special mission.” Said David. “Sure, I buy that.” Said Ahimelech. “Do you have any food?” Asked David. “We only…

Bible Stories #24: Hands Off

So the Israelites were fighting the Philistines, and things weren’t going so great. Hophni and Phinehas had a great idea. “Why don’t we send the ark of the covenant into battle? And so they did. It didn’t help matters. The Philistine’s killed thirty thousand Israelite soldiers, including the bright boys Hophni and Phinehas who had…

Bible Stories #23: Asking For A Bramble

Gideon is mostly famous for putting out fleeces in the dew and watching his soldiers drink water, but after he died there was a bit of a power vacuum in the land of Israel. Gideon’s son Abimelech decided to step into the void, and convinced a bunch of his relatives that he was the man…

Bible Stories #22: The Other Side Of The River

Ostensibly the Jewish people in biblical times were divided into twelve tribes, each tribe composed of the descendents of one of Jacob’s twelve sons. The hitch in this is that Joseph’s two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim, each sort of got their own tribe. So in reality it seems that there were more like thirteen tribes,…

Bible Stories #21: The Burial of Moses

Once, when the Israelites were wandering around in the desert, they got thirsty and came to Moses to complain that they didn’t have water. Moses asked God what he should do about it, and God told him that water would come from a rock if he talked to it. So Moses took his staff and…

Bible Stories #20: The Man With The Loose Shoe

The literal meaning of Deuteronomy is “second law.” Of course, the book didn’t carry this name until around the 14th century A.D. My understanding is that the original Hebrew name can roughly be translated as “here are some words.” Maybe the translators of the Bible thought that Deuteronomy sounded cooler. The idea behind calling it…

Bible Stories #18: A Very Big Bed

There was a king named Og. Og was a big man, the last of the giants, and he had a very big bed. Nine cubits long, and four cubits wide. According to the internet a cubit is equal to 1.6404199 feet. According to my calculations that would make Og’s bed approximately fourteen and a half…

Bible Stories #17: Nice Try, Darcy

There was once a man named Manasseh who no sons to inherit his fortune, but five daughters. His daughters names were Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah. Anyone with a passing knowledge of Jane Austen will be fully aware of how this story is supposed to go. The oldest daughter winds up with a fellow…