450: A Length Of Rope

“I’d like some rope.” “How much rope?” “Oh, I don’t know, maybe about this much?” “How much?” “About 27 centimeters.” “Speak english.” “What do you mean, I am speaking english?” “We don’t use centimeters around here.” “Umm, uhh, I, uhh…” “Tell you what, I’m gonna cut you a piece of rope.” “That would be nice.”…

448: What’s For Lunch?

Joey cut another piece of cheese, and put it on his sandwich. He opened his mouth and clamped down hard, his taste buds exploded with delicious cheddar cheese, ham, and turkey. Joey devoured the sandwich, and washed it down with a gulp of coffee. What a delicious lunch! Up until now, his day had gone…

447: Man On The Walk

The other day, as I was sitting in a dentist chair staring up at a ceiling, I heard a song called “Man On The Run.” I guess men running is inspiring or something. I can’t say I find the song particularly inspiring, but I did find it more inspiring than getting my teeth scraped. Naturally,…

446: The Redhead

Watcha doin’ carrot head? Corrie turned her head and walked away. She’d heard it all. She wasn’t about to respond to a pedestrian insult like that. Is someone’s hair on fire? Oh wait, it’s just Corrie. Corrie turned and stuck out her tongue. She was so busy looking backwards that she didn’t see the wall,…

444: Good Urine

Virginia was two years sober, and she had finally figured out the perfect little side hustle. She would sell her urine. Drug users of all stripes were constantly on the lookout for good urine. She was excited to get into business. She printed up a couple hundred business cards which she distributed to local drug…

443: Breakfast at Sunrise

The sun was rising over Burtonsville Missouri, and Elizabeth Chandlerwick was eating breakfast at the local diner. As with most morning, Elizabeth was eating bacon and eggs. The eggs were over medium. “How do you like them eggs?” Asked Chet. Elizabeth ignored him, and turned the page on the Wall Street Journal. Chet owned the…

442: Absolutely Brilliant

Jolene had a brilliant idea. Brilliant ideas were not foreign to Jolene, but this one was really great. She went over to Jerry’s house in the middle of the night and smashed out all the windows. It was brilliant. Jerry woke up in the morning, and looked at the broken windows. Oh well, two can…

441: A Well Aimed Kick

I used to work with a fellow named Bruce. Bruce was a 350 pound machinist. A creative, if undisciplined, genius who sweated grease out of his pores and had a fantastically brutal temper which would come out in full display if his name brand vice-grips were misplaced. Bruce was wise to the ways of the…