653: Common Scents

In January of 1776 Thomasina Pain, a housewife from Pennsylvania, published a treatise that would shake the world to its foundation, and cause individuals all over to question the very foundations upon which society was based. Rather than deal with the outgrowth of societal imbalance, Thomasina chose to go to the very source, and identify…

652: The Squid’s Teeth

The Squid was jealous of the octopus’s teeth, so he went to the dentist. “Can you give me teeth like the octopus?” asked the Squid. The dentist stroked her chin. “Maybe.” She said. “But it will cost you $1,300.” The Squid was perplexed. Money is not something which marine animals are intimately aware of. “How…

651: Bring Your Own Hammer

The first rule in carpentry is that you bring your own hammer. That’s what Carl was told when he got a job on a construction crew. Carl knew nothing about hammers, but he went to the hardware store in search of the perfect hammer. There were big hammers, little hammers, round hammers square hammers, short…

649: Of Spiders and Dinosaurs

There was only half of a spider in the doorway. The other half of the doorway was on the windowsill, or maybe smashed across Wendell’s newspaper. At any rate, it wasn’t in the doorway anymore. Which should have been a relief, except for the large bat that appeared where where the spider had been. Wendell…

648: The Body

On Tuesday Jeremy went out to get the cows. It was a fairly normal thing for Jeremy to do on Tuesdays. In fact, it would be a normal thing for Jeremy to do on Wednesday or Thursday. But this particular day was a Tuesday, and Jeremy was getting the cows. He was about halfway down…

647: Bad Constitution

Legally, this would be considered plaguarism. But who cares about laws anyway? I don’t give a damn ’bout the constitutionWas written in the past, so obliterate itYou’re living in the past there’s a new venerationAnd I can do what I want to doAnd that’s what I’m gonna do And I don’t give a damn ’bout…