300: The Fortune Teller

Agnes was a traveling fortune teller. Some businesses, like lumber yards or hotels, don’t work very well if you’re moving them around all the time. Fortune telling is not one of these businesses. In fact, fortune telling is a great business to move around. Especially if you’re kind of a quack. Agnes wasn’t a quack,…

259: The Hammer

Ken swung the hammer down sharply on the head of the nail and it sunk into the wood. The nail sunk into the wood that is, not the hammer. Ken was still holding the hammer. He brought it down again and drove in another nail. These days most carpenters use nails guns, but Ken was…

258: The Official Manifesto of the Space Exploration and Undersea Inertia Society

Welcome to the Space Exploration and Undersea Inertia Society. While we appreciate, on an intellectual level, the exploration of outer space we strongly believe in the practical benefits of adhering to the most firmly held and practiced undersea inertia principles. In keeping with these principles we must strongly discourage the unfettered exploration and unchecked fantasies…

257: How to Talk to a Squirrel

As I have previously discussed, the subject of interspecies communication is an issue which lays heavy on my heart. If we are truly to address the ills which beset our world it will behoove us to pay careful attention to the numerous interaction which take place every day throughout the animal kingdom. The other day, while…

256: The Vegetarian

The only thing Valerie wanted was chicken. For most people it’s a desire that doesn’t cause much harm, but Valerie was a vegetarian. She would wake up in the morning craving chicken. In the middle of the day it was the only thing she wanted. At night she dream of chicken. Every time she thought…

255: Revolution in the Andes

General Mortimary Ignatius had been preparing for this moment all his life, although he wouldn’t admit it. Ever since he had entered military academy as a Plebe he had dreamed that he would one day assist in violently overthrowing the government. Buttoning his crisply ironed uniform he looked in the mirror and smiled. It was…

254: Safety First, Kids

James Proclaims! did a fantastic little piece of found poetry a few days ago based on a soccer match. I loved it, and made up my mind to steal the idea when Football season started. Turns out I just couldn’t wait. The following piece of found poetry is lifted from a random episode in one…

253: All The Awards

Herb thinks I’m special, and he gave me a badge to prove it. Thanks Herb. Since I am acknowledging this reward I thought I would give a nod to a couple others. Arkaprabha Das at The Strong Traveller has nominated me for the Vincent Ehindro Blogger Award. The Strong Traveller is a great site, check…

252: A Harmless Prank

Such a harmless little prank. Flint had been working on it for several years. After all, it’s not easy to to manufacture a black hole, but he’d finally been able to get together enough explosives to blow up the sun. According to his calculations it should blow up at exactly 8:34 AM. Flint looked at…

251: Mia’s Hair

We haven’t even begun to discuss Mia’s hair. Why should we be discussing Mia’s hair? You ask. Isn’t it a slightly personal subject? True. But if we ignored the obvious issues and ramifications which surrounded Mia’s hair we would be doing the world a great disservice. You see, Mia’s hair is big. Very big. Her…