768: What Is Your Reason For Living?

Your Questions Answered; Day 8

what is your reason for living?Goldy

I’m not sure if this is where Goldy was going with this question, but this is where I’m going. If you’re wondering if there’s a reason to go on living, if you’re contemplating suicide and putting it all behind you I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there.

A couple winters ago I was working on a construction site out in the country, and the guys I was working with went into town at lunch time. We had just finished putting the plywood down on the main floor of the house, and there was a big gaping hole where the stairs from the basement would come up when everything was finished. I remember looking down into that hole and thinking that life wasn’t worth living anymore. I thought about making a noose out of something that was laying around the job site and ending everything right then and there.

When you ask me what my reason for living is I can’t help but ponder those dark days, the darkest that I have experienced in my life. I’m not sure that I have an overarching reason for living, but I think I’ve come to understand what made living a difficult decision.

First, there’s a feeling that comes with deep depression that the future isn’t real. At the time I had some dreams that were maybe a little bit crazy and ridiculous, but I clung to them and they were enough to keep me going. By the time I realized that those things weren’t going to happen I was in a better place mentally where I could handle it. If you have to lie to yourself, and tell yourself that your ridiculous dreams are going to happen in order to keep moving forward that’s ok. You just have to know that there is a future. It might not look like what you envision it to be, but it’s real and it’s going to be ok.

Second, life isn’t all about me. My accomplishments are only accomplishments in so far as they affect other people positively. I don’t have to get my way all of the time, I don’t need the perfect little life that I envisioned for myself, as long as I am having a positive effect on those around me.

Those are my thoughts. I don’t know that I’m entirely prepared to answer this question yet, but I’m getting there. Maybe that’s part of what life is about.

Thank you all for the fantastic questions! It’s been a very interesting eight days, and you’ve all helped me think about some things which I wouldn’t have otherwise thought about.


15 thoughts on “768: What Is Your Reason For Living?

  1. thank you for sharing what must have been a difficult time for you. I agree that if we can realize the positive impact we can have on others, it makes our own life more enjoyable…

  2. I wasn’t sure where you would take this (as is or turn it into something ridiculous), so I had no expectations going into reading this answer. While it was probably hard for you to share this, I thank you for it, as yes – deep down I had hoped for a serious take on this. Your second argument is definitely something I recognize and am happy to see that you do, too. Not many seem to… Stay golden!

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