On July 6th, 1928, a jeweler from Missouri successfully demonstrated a machine which he had been perfecting for several years, one that revolutionize culinary arts all around the world. On that day, Otto Rohwedder sliced bread.
With a machine.
As groundbreaking and revolutionary as Mr. Rohwedder’s invention would prove to be, it would leave future inventors in a very difficult place. For almost a century now creative minds the world over have been hailing their respective inventions as “the best thing since sliced bread.” Sadly, no consensus has been reached on which creation actually deserves this title, leading to the inevitable conclusion that perhaps none of them do.
But hope springs eternal. There is a simple solution for those frustrated individuals who wish to achieve a level of greatness comparable to Mr. Rohwedder. It may be impossible to make something better than sliced bread, but that doesn’t mean that Rohwedder’s achievements cannot be imitated.
If you wish to imitate Mr. Rohwedder’s brilliance, simply follow these instructions the next time you bring home a loaf of bread: Carefully take the loaf out of the bag, and lay the pieces on your counter. Apply a generous layer of Elmer’s glue to each slice. Place the slices back together, and put the loaf back in the bag. At the proper time, take the loaf back out of the bag, and re-slice it.
If you follow these directions precisely you will be responsible for creating the best thing since sliced bread.
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