Lorelai had always wanted to be an opera star.
Fortunately, she had rich parents. Unfortunately, she had no talent.
Her parents did their best to make up for her painful lack of talent with summer camps, private lessons, vanity performances and concert tickets, but it was all to no avail.
Then, one evening as she was crying herself to sleep in her private cabin at her private opera summer camp, she heard a clear, distinct, voice.
“I am the angel of music.” Lorelai heard the voice say.
How amazing! It was just like The Phantom of the Opera! Lorelai would have her own private angel who teach her how to become an opera star.
Lessons commenced immediately.
Lorelai couldn’t wait for the final camp performance, when she could showcase her newfound talent before all of her peers. When the day came, Lorelai excitedly made her way to the stage and began to sing. The other campers looked at each other in bewilderment.
“Why is she singing elevator music?” They asked each other.
Lorelai was dismayed at the all to familiar tepid response to her performance. She fled back to her cabin.
“I thought you said you were my angel of music.” She told her new teacher. “Why do the other campers still think I can’t sing?”
“I never said I was your angel of music,” replied the teacher, “I am the angel of Muzak.”
Lorelai’s body was found the next day.
Authorities suspect suicide.
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