The following letter was inexplicably found on the second floor of a computer shop in Bangor Maine. The opinions it expresses are not endorsed by Dumbestblogger, and its authenticity could not be verified.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press,
We wish to heartily congratulate you on the excellent job you have been doing in your coverage of the U.S. Presidential election. We are all painfully aware of the existential threat which this election poses to our democracy. If the American people choose wrongly they will no longer be able to choose at all!
Your ability to obfuscate facts and hide the truth from the American people is deeply admirable. We are in awe of the clever and subtle ways in which you steer public discourse away from any actual discussion of issues or facts. Your service and dedication to this country is beyond compare, and you have our humble gratitude and deep admiration.
As members in good standing of the military-industrial complex we cannot help but feel a deep sense of alarm concerning the current foreign policy trajectory of the United States. As you are well aware, no major war has been started in the past four years. This is the first time in almost forty years that an American President has failed to start a major armed conflict with another country.
But this is not his only serious transgression. He has made overt overtures of peace towards countries with which the possibility of armed aggression seemed to be highly probable, and has spoiled the possibility of war between numerous other countries, specifically in the Middle East. In addition he has taken actions to adjust trade imbalances which may dangerously render mute the economic ignominy in which so many Americans find themselves ensnared.
As intelligent and thoughtful individuals we are confident that you will see the existential danger which these actions pose, but we are concerned that the American people, who have proven themselves to be stupid and ignorant, might construe these actions in a positive light even under guidance of your excellent hands. While we have explicit trust in your ability to manipulate the opinions of the American people, it may be better to hide these facts than to manipulate their substance.
We understand that in your upcoming “debate” you have set aside a section for the two major candidate for the Presidency, including the current President whose transgression we have outlined in the preceding paragraphs, to discuss foreign policy. From our position as members of the military-industrial complex and experts in foreign policy, we believe it would be best if the information concerning these developments is kept from the American people, at least inasmuch as it is possible. With that in mind, we urge you to strike the section dealing with foreign policy from your upcoming debate.
We want you to know that this memorandum comes from a place of deep concern, both for our country and your place in it. While the American press has found some respite for its financial trouble by breathlessly covering a global pandemic and a certain bombastic politician, we are sure that you are painfully aware of the fact that your continued financial stability depends on the proliferation of war and global armed hostilities. What if the American people actually got used to peace? What could be possibly more catastrophic, both for your financial well-being and ours?
Once more, we have the utmost faith in your ability to handle this situation. Your masterful work in derailing positive discussion and moulding public opinion is awe inspiring. We hope that you take our thoughts and ideas into consideration. The American people do not deserve to know, nor can they handle, the truth.
The Military-Industrial Complex
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