304: The Bible

I have acquired an authentic King James Bible. It was presented to Thomas C. Hutter for Christmas in 1951 by Chaplain and Mrs. S.L. Carpenter. “May God’s blessings be with you.- ‘Mom’ and ‘Chappie'” reads the note inside the front cover.


It came complete with a Dennis the Menace cartoon.


To be fair, this book didn’t tumble out of the sky and land in my lap. I actively sought it out. Back in February, when I read The Iliad for the first time, I started to think about other classic books I hadn’t read. Surprisingly, although I grew up in a very religious household, attended a religious university and even go to church sometimes, The King James Bible was on that list.

I could make an excuse and explain that when in my younger years the “King James Version” was somewhat frowned upon by those in my immediate sphere of influence. The favored version of the Bible was know as the “New International Version.” Curiously, this version was marketed by the Rupert Murdoch media empire which includes Fox News. At some point the favored version mysteriously switched to a version called “The English Standard Version.”

But this is all irrelevant gobbledygook. The truth is that I have never read the entire Bible, regardless of the version. While the Bible in itself is a classic piece of literature only the King James, in my book, qualifies as a classic work of English literature. I have no idea which version of the Bible is the best, but I am quite confident regarding which version is the most classic.

All this to say, I thought it would be a great idea to write some blog posts about the King James Bible, much like the posts I’ve written about the works of Homer and Sophocles.

In all fairness, it’s probably easier to write about Homer and Sophocles. My posts on those subject pretty much consist of me mocking the storyline put forward by the Ancient Greeks. Unlike those works, the Bible has some valuable content which is actually relevant to daily life. I don’t intend to be as merciless in my reviews of it as I am with the Ancient Greeks.

There are certain passages of the Bible on which I  already have a pretty clear opinion. I think that the wheels in the sky which are described in Ezekiel Chapter 1 sound suspiciously like flying saucers. I like the Sermon on the Mount, and Genesis is absolutely epic. But I’m excited to see what else I find. Is there actually anything in Numbers besides, well, numbers?

Here’s the catch with this series. A couple months ago I started a Patreon page that a couple of you have already been generous enough to support. Your generosity is amazing because I have promised you absolutely nothing in return. I have the ability to publish content on that site which is available only to the people who support me financially, and I’ve been thinking that I should start doing that. I think that this series would be kind of perfect.

So, starting this Monday at 8PM CST, I will be publishing a weekly series on Patreon which I will call “Through The Bible With Dumbestblogger.”

The ingenious thing about this is that anyone who would be interested to hear what I have to say about the Bible is certifiably nuts. I also think that anyone willing to give me money for writing things is pretty cuckoo. So by offering my Bible commentary as paid content I can effectively single out all of the really crazy people who read my blog. It’s good to keep track of the people on whom one should be keeping an eye.

On that note, there has been a considerable interest in the Writer’s Block which I posted about yesterday. It seems that some people are interested in having a Writer’s Block of their own. I am incredibly appreciative of this demand, and I intend on making these available for purchase in the near future. As an added bonus, anyone who supports my Patreon page above the minimum level will receive a complimentary free Writer’s Block of their choosing.

What happens when I’m done with the Bible, you ask? Who knows? Maybe I’ll read Dennis the Menace.

Photos by Dumbestblogger

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29 thoughts on “304: The Bible

  1. On fascinating class that somehow satisfied and general education requirement in my early years of higher education was called The History Of The Old Testament. It was taught by an ex rabbi And he was wonderfully funny. An assignment we had was to write a story that would explain some of the holes in the Old Testament stories. I chose the third son of Adam and Eve, Seth and how he bore offspring when there were in Bible fact, no other people yet. It was a ton of fun.

    Enjoy 🙂

    • Interesting Thoughts I don’t think I’ve ever read the whole Bible But I have read many parts of it The interesting thing is now you will dealing with several authors instead of just one. Many different points of view

      Stay well and laugh when you can

  2. Wow. You really have upped the ante. As you may or may not be aware, I am a big fan of the KJV. I did a post on it 9/9/19 and others. I would consider purchasing a writer’s block from you if you autographed it and certified its authenticity that it is, in fact, a writer’s block that you yourself have made. I like the Patreon idea…

  3. Of the many differences between the US and the UK, the one I find hardest to fathom is that we have different Dennis the Menaces. And they both appeared in the world at exactly the same time so it’s not even like one is copied from the other. I know that’s only vaguely related to you post but it’s a really important issue to me.

  4. Bible… I have read the thing through from beginning to end 5 times. It was required reading in my parents household.
    Seriously, it is how we earned our keep. Upon rising at 5:00 am, we read and prayed and took communion.
    We also had to study Greek and read and interpret the New Testament in the original Greek text.
    To say I’m a bible scholar is taking it a bit far but hey, let’s go all the— No Beck! You can’t say that!!!
    You can count on me to argue with you through your entire series.
    It will be highly annoying to you but you will be forced to forgive me 70x 7 times because you will learn eventually that that is required of you.

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