304: The Bible

I have acquired an authentic King James Bible. It was presented to Thomas C. Hutter for Christmas in 1951 by Chaplain and Mrs. S.L. Carpenter. “May God’s blessings be with you.- ‘Mom’ and ‘Chappie'” reads the note inside the front cover.

It came complete with a Dennis the Menace cartoon.

To be fair, this book didn’t tumble out of the sky and land in my lap. I actively sought it out. Back in February, when I read The Iliad for the first time, I started to think about other classic books I hadn’t read. Surprisingly, although I grew up in a very religious household, attended a religious university and even go to church sometimes, The King James Bible was on that list.

I could make an excuse and explain that when in my younger years the “King James Version” was somewhat frowned upon by those in my immediate sphere of influence. The favored version of the Bible was know as the “New International Version.” Curiously, this version was marketed by the Rupert Murdoch media empire which includes Fox News. At some point the favored version mysteriously switched to a version called “The English Standard Version.”

But this is all irrelevant gobbledygook. The truth is that I have never read the entire Bible, regardless of the version. While the Bible in itself is a classic piece of literature only the King James, in my book, qualifies as a classic work of English literature. I have no idea which version of the Bible is the best, but I am quite confident regarding which version is the most classic.

All this to say, I thought it would be a great idea to write some blog posts about the King James Bible, much like the posts I’ve written about the works of Homer and Sophocles.

In all fairness, it’s probably easier to write about Homer and Sophocles. My posts on those subject pretty much consist of me mocking the storyline put forward by the Ancient Greeks. Unlike those works, the Bible has some valuable content which is actually relevant to daily life. I don’t intend to be as merciless in my reviews of it as I am with the Ancient Greeks.

There are certain passages of the Bible on which I  already have a pretty clear opinion. I think that the wheels in the sky which are described in Ezekiel Chapter 1 sound suspiciously like flying saucers. I like the Sermon on the Mount, and Genesis is absolutely epic. But I’m excited to see what else I find. Is there actually anything in Numbers besides, well, numbers?

Here’s the catch with this series. A couple months ago I started a Patreon page that a couple of you have already been generous enough to support. Your generosity is amazing because I have promised you absolutely nothing in return. I have the ability to publish content on that site which is available only to the people who support me financially, and I’ve been thinking that I should start doing that. I think that this series would be kind of perfect.

So, starting this Monday at 8PM CST, I will be publishing a weekly series on Patreon which I will call “Through The Bible With Dumbestblogger.”

The ingenious thing about this is that anyone who would be interested to hear what I have to say about the Bible is certifiably nuts. I also think that anyone willing to give me money for writing things is pretty cuckoo. So by offering my Bible commentary as paid content I can effectively single out all of the really crazy people who read my blog. It’s good to keep track of the people on whom one should be keeping an eye.

On that note, there has been a considerable interest in the Writer’s Block which I posted about yesterday. It seems that some people are interested in having a Writer’s Block of their own. I am incredibly appreciative of this demand, and I intend on making these available for purchase in the near future. As an added bonus, anyone who supports my Patreon page above the minimum level will receive a complimentary free Writer’s Block of their choosing.

What happens when I’m done with the Bible, you ask? Who knows? Maybe I’ll read Dennis the Menace.

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Photos by Dumbestblogger

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