280: Crime Pays

Editor,

When I was a kid the notion that crime doesn’t pay was drilled into me as one of the cold, hard facts of life. Whenever one of us kids did something vaguely nefarious this mantra was used as an argument that we should reform our ways.

“Crime doesn’t pay!” I was told again and again.

Honestly, at that point in my life I wasn’t overly concerned about money. The fact that it wouldn’t pay didn’t seem like too big of an issue. Crime sounded like a fun career option.

After spending the last 37 years as a career criminal I can attest to the fact that it has indeed been fun. I have performed jewelry heists, gas station holdups, kidnappings and even the occasional murder. Unlike some careers, you just never know what’s going to happen next. There have been constant, unique opportunities for me to hone my skills, and the added enjoyment of having to stay one step ahead of law enforcement has consistently kept me on my toes.

But for all the enjoyment and fulfillment which the criminal lifestyle has brought me, I have found a surprising benefits which cuts against everything I was told as a child. Crime actually does pays. It pays very well.

As I near retirement my finances are in a much better position than those of many of my peers who chose more traditional career paths. I have invested heavily in real estate, I have over a million dollars and the bank, and my 401K is well stocked. I have never lacked any material comforts.

When I graduated from high school several of my peers went into careers that were supposed to be interesting and rewarding. They became bankers, lawyers, scientists and engineers. Only Tommy Wilson, who became a plumber, achieved financial success comparable to mine.

If you are a young person struggling to find a meaningful career I have one piece of advice: try crime. It pays very well.

Anonymous


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17 thoughts on “280: Crime Pays

  1. Well, see, this is the sort of thing that makes me think you’re special, your unique outlook on life. It’s not every blogger that would make a post like this.

  2. Anonymous? Yeah right. I saw you sneaking in through the back window of Walmart. I saw what you did and I know who you are. And next time leave some for me.

  3. Just look to Jeffrey Epstein’s meteoric climb to the top of the shit-ass heap! But in his case 20 counts of this and 20 counts of that wasn’t a crime, especially if you have tapes, recordings and Presidents as friends!

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