277: Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy theories can be hard to navigate. Here are some things you should believe.

  • The single bullet theory: it’s only common sense that a single bullet during JFK’s assassination passed through JFK’s neck, entered Connally’s chest, then went into his wrist and eventually ended up in his thigh. Of course this bullet went through fifteen layers of clothing, seven layers of skin, destroyed four inches of rib and fifteen inches of muscle tissue, deftly clipped a necktie and shattered Connally’s Radius Bone before coming to rest lightly on a gurney in Parkland Hospital. It only makes sense.
  • Flat Earth Theory: I’m lost. No matter how many videos I view of weather balloons set to the soundtrack of a deep male voice reading from the King James Bible I can’t make hide nor hair of what the argument is supposed to be on this one.
  • UFO’s: what even is the conspiracy theory on this one?  It used to be that people who claimed they had seen flying saucers were nuts. Now the official story is that they’re real.  So the conspiracy theorists are the ones who claim they don’t exist. Confusing, I know.
  • Epstein: you can believe there’s an Island where celebrities are flown in from all over the globe to rape young girls. You can believe that the man behind that Island is a shady Billionaire pedophile who probably bought off the FBI to look the other way. You can believe that everyone from Bill Clinton to the British Royal Family to Chris Tucker was involved, but by no means believe that when the billionaire finally got locked up the rich and powerful people had him assassinated to save their skins. That’s entirely unreasonable.

Don’t worry if you get confused. Just stick to the facts and believe what’s reasonable. If you find yourself confused, or concerned that you may be on the verge of becoming a conspiracy theorist, feel free to contact me. I’m here to help.

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35 thoughts on “277: Conspiracy Theories

  1. Lol
    This is good.
    Conspiracy Theories make most people suspicious about everything.
    Guilty 🙋🏽‍♀️

  2. My MIL loved the National Enquirer. It used to just make me crazy, “woman has a one night stand with werewolf, gives birth to puppies.” Then they started actually breaking real news stories that the media had missed and it completely threw me for a loop. I’m not sure if the Natl Enquirer suddenly got interested in real journalism or if the media simply abandoned it completely, but I had to tell my MIL she was right about everything, except the woman who gave birth to the puppies. That one has been hard to confirm.

    Truth is always much stranger than fiction. That’s why some of us indulge in dystopian sci/fi to relax and unwind.

  3. The “enemy” wants you to believe that such things are conspiracy theories. That way they can get away with murder. Kennedy was shot by the same people that killed Norma Jean! At least that theory has an ounce of credibility – which is more than I can say for… here the hell was I?

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