James Proclaims! did a fantastic little piece of found poetry a few days ago based on a soccer match. I loved it, and made up my mind to steal the idea when Football season started. Turns out I just couldn’t wait. The following piece of found poetry is lifted from a random episode in one of the 128,000 seasons of Cutthroat Kitchen which is available for streaming. As you can clearly see, it is an incredibly inspiring show.
Safety First, Kids
This is going to be a texture problem somewhere along the line.
Gives it a much nicer taste
I think I did a good job with my sabotage
I’m actually feeling a little less psycho at this point
It was hard for me to cut the onion
This gravy is not so pretty
A tiny little one
It’s a little dense
Your dough was overworked a little bit
All of you had issues with your biscuit
Could be a delicious appetizer
She’s freaking out
My clams are still on heat
I don’t want to chop it
This is what I get for being cocky and sitting back
Is there anything better than floating down a lazy river?
The texture is a little more cream
I’ve been in that raft for the last 12 minutes
I have to blow it away
Safety first, kids
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Dumbest Blog Ever 
I’ve certainly had issues with my biscuit. But it’s such a delicious appetizer – apparently.
Great stuff. I’m going to find my own found.
The appetizer seals the deal.
I wouldn’t mind some sort of starter,
Never hurts.
I saw that piece on James’ blog and that you were going to do one. I never thought it would be so touching or beautiful, though. When you said, “It was hard for me to cut the onion” I teared up but the most poignant and touching part was, “My clams are still on heat.” Beautiful and poetic.
Thanks.
Thanks for the shoutout and congratulations on mastering the form on your first attempt. Personally I loved the understated brilliance of the line ‘all of you had issues with your biscuit’
Thanks. Obviously it would be slightly more brilliant if it was referring to British biscuits, so I’m all for pretending that it is.