66: How to Eat Your Words

Even the best of us want to eat our words, but for many of us it seems impossible.

The truth is that there are many options for eating your words.

We’re going to equivocate a little here, but for the sake of this post that equivocation will be ignored. Ok?

The fact is that it’s hard not to eat words.

According to science and the internet there’s over a 99% chance that the breath you are breathing right now contains at least one molecule that Abraham Lincoln breathed in his last breath. Given the fact that he breathed several breathes while giving the Gettysburg address you are probably breathing some of those molecules too.

Yum.

Them are good words.

Of course, while consuming a Mussolini rant is a little less glamorous it’s highly probably that you’re also doing that right now.

So yeah.

The trouble isn’t that your words aren’t being consumed, it’s that you’re not the only one eating the words that come out of your mouth. Which can suck.

When it comes to eating printed words you have a few more options.

  • Chew and swallow, like a spy
  • Drizzle with honey and eat them like baclava
  • Use them as tea leaves
  • Grind into flour and use as flour alternative
  • Use as tobacco alternative in your pipe
  • Cut into pieces and drink with milk

For words on your computer you’re probably better of just to delete them, although the NSA will still be eating them for several years anyway.

I hope this has been helpful for you. Enjoy your words!

I hope they taste good.

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