A while back I wrote a few satirical posts on this blog. I love satire, I thought they were pretty awesome. Especially the one about Amtrak and the kid who was trying to be Santa Claus. In many ways those posts were extremely liberating for me. They gave me a golden opportunity to practice my vicious and almost unparalleled wit, and helped me get into the writing groove. If I hadn’t written that stuff I might not have been able to write a blazing dramatic adaptation of a Norwegian fairy tale involving a guy whose sister drowns in the arctic ocean which was successfully staged in Minneapolis last year.
On the down side those posts caused me to think of this blog as some sort of satirical endeavor. The other day I tried to write something satirical on here, only to discover that I just wasn’t feeling it.
Which makes sense.
Many of my satirical endeavors on this blog have been inspired by a little publication called the Onion. Sadly, the Onion is no longer relevant. It sucks. This is a phenomenon that has occurred over the course of the past year. There is no reason for me to be inspired by a publication which sucks and is no longer culturally relevant.
Long story short, I want to publish more stuff on this blog, but in order to accomplish that I must operate under a slightly different set of rules than I have previously operated under.
Here are the rules.
- I might be serious. I might not be. Who knows? Who cares? Probably no one.
- No politics. Politics belongs on facebook where I can more easily belittle you. Blogging is too genteel and you have to pretend like you care about other peoples ideas. I don’t care what you think, I only care about enhancing the acoustics of my own echo chamber by belittling you. Suck it.
- Zero pretension. Bloggers are pretentious. I am the dumbest blogger because I hate pretention. I’m probably smarter than you anyway, so I don’t need to pretend like I’m any smarter than I actually am.
- I won’t write quasi intellectual garbage with thirteen syllable words while elegantly cradling a cup of French pressed coffee. Forget about it. There will actually be a purpose to the things I say.
- Any pictures of kids in Africa will be taken directly from a google image search.
- I will attempt to get more people to follow this blog. I have about ten followers now, which is probably average. I doubt that any of them read my sporadic postings. If I had a million they still probably wouldn’t read it. But I would enjoy the ego trip.
- Those who do read will prepare for their minds to be blown.
So there’s a blueprint for the future of this blog. I hope you enjoy what’s coming.