Foxborough Massachusetts: Long time negotiations between famed New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and the Devil appeared to hit a major roadblock Thursday as those involved in the Satanic realm expressed concern that Brady had nothing to give them. Brady had hoped to exchange his soul for the ability to play football for eternity.
“He says he want to give us his soul, but the more we investigate the subject the less we understand what that means.” Said Satanic spokesperson Lucy Fer. “The difficulty is that Brady doesn’t have anything discernible to offer us in the way of a soul.”
According to Fer the Case is somewhat of an anomaly. “We’ve been carrying on these bargains since the dawn of time, and our science has developed to the point where we can almost always quantify the value of an individuals soul, but with Brady there’s simply nothing to measure in that department.”
The development is a devastating one for Brady, whose hopes of eternally playing football now appear dim. Brady says he came up with the idea when he read the spark notes on some book named “Frost” in High School, and has wanted to exchange his soul ever since.
“It’s a no brainer,” says Brady, “souls are pointless, they don’t help you play better football.”